And it's not even that I'm worried about being honest about personal things, I'm just scared to voice my opinions about certain things because I worry that I'll accidentally say something dumb or something, or that my friends will start hating me if I don't agree with them 100% on everything, even though nobody I'm friends with is like that about anything.
Sometimes I worry that if they'll be okay with disagreement, but not for the reasons I actually disagree with them. This is really silly, and it usually results in me saying MORONIC things and wanting to stab myself in my head. ("STAB THEM IN THEIR FACE/EAR/HEAD" is my latest solution to everything, by the way, not any indication of actual desire to harm myself.)
Other times I spend so much time not giving my real opinions on stuff that it just builds and builds and I get more and more frustrated, and then when I do give my opinion, I end up doing it in this really intense, bitchy, aggressive way, and then people get mad at me - not for my opinion itself but for being so aggressive in the way I present and defend it. I think speaking my mind more often might help me from being such a BITCH when I do.
I'm more comfortable speaking my mind around some people than others. I don't know why this is, but it's probably pretty normal.
But anyway. As of... 6:47 Pacific time, July 5, 2007, there will be no more hiding certain opinions from people. And no more being bitchy when I do say things. I'm going to speak up more often, but in a calmer, nicer way, without turning into an asshole about what I'm trying to say. And I'm going to try to put more actual thought into my opinions instead of letting my emotions get carried away with me, as I sometimes do. Also I won't get let myself get so angry and frustrated anymore. People can have different opinions than me about things and that is okay - it doesn't make them bad people. And I can have different opinions from people and that's okay - it doesn't make me a bad person if I don't agree with everything everyone ever says, either.
I need to say what's on my mind more often. Not ALL the time, of course. There are some times when the most appropriate mode of behavior is to sit down and STFU. But I hold back a lot of the time in my LJ or in casual political debates with acquaintances or even in my own private journal because I'm afraid of losing people's respect if I'm honest with them, even though nobody's given me any indication that they'd ever lose any respect for me just because I disagreed with them or whatever.