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Jul. 13th, 2007

ALSO!!!! (This deserves its own post, yessirree!)

GRADES CAME OUT THIS WEEK. I GOT AN A IN MY HISTORY CLASS.

I am SO COOL. (It know it's pretty obvious, but stuff like this goes a long way toward making me feel good about myself and wanting to improve my self-image in general.)

I think maybe this is a self-improvement journal, or else it is becoming one.

I'm tired of selling myself short. I'm tired of thinking of myself as stupid and incapable and weak.

So I won't do it anymore. I am going to develop a system and every time I start thinking of myself as dumb or unworthy or weak or worthless, I will do something that makes me feel smart or strong or capable or whatever I'm having trouble with. :D

Also, I will acknowledge that not being 100% perfect all the time doesn't make me a complete failure. Nobody can be perfect all the time. And that's okay.

Also also also also ALSO!!!! I am going to be an Applied Anthropology major, I decided! It is going to be AWESOME. With a minor in either poli sci, philosophy or international affairs, depending on what's offered at the university I transfer to in... a year and a half.

I think I might double-minor in something like film or art history, too, just to have an excuse to take fun goofball classes.

Jul. 11th, 2007

Day o' pain

Okay, first off: Lifting things is murder on my back. ;_; I don't know if this means I can't lift right or if I'm just out of shape. Probably both.

Also, there are so many big fires in and around my city right now that the smoke has actually turned the sky gray and kind of dark. There are always fires in my state in the summer - part of living in a hot, dry desert - but it's especially bad this year. It's giving me a headache.

Jul. 10th, 2007

Harry Potter 5.

The fifth Harry Potter movie comes out tonight! I won't be going for a while - I'm too tired tonight (long day, + staying up too late and getting up too early), and won't have the money to go to the movies for a long time to come besides - but I'm already gleefully awaiting the batshit insane wankfest that's sure to follow this movie. I know a batshit insane wankfest will follow this movie because a batshit insane wankfest ultimately follows anything even remotely related to Harry Potter or Hogwarts.

My personal prediction for fucknuttery? Ginny is wearing pants in the movie, even though she's never mentioned as wearing them in the book, which proves that everyone involved with the movie is an evil corporate hack who doesn't care about Rowling's vision. It also proves that the people involved don't care about Hermione, because if anyone should wear noncanonical pants it's HER. The reason they don't care about Hermione is because after Emma confessed her true love of Dan to the executives at WB, she ruined any potential for Ron/Hermione in the movies, and the people in charge decided that Emma-Hermione needed to be PUNISHED OH NOES so they gave the trousers originally planned for her to ICKY REDHEADED GINNY. This also proves that Harry/Hermione will happen in the movies even if it doesn't in the book, because Dan and Emma's love will prevail!

Or something.

I think my soul died a long time ago.

Jul. 8th, 2007

There's not really a point to this post.

When I was little - like, 7 or 8 - I always used to switch the time zone setting on the family computer to Mountain Time, because I liked mountains better than the ocean (Pacific), and I remember thinking that you got to use the time zone settings to pick your own time zone. I used to get really irritated when I came back to the computer and found out someone had put us in Pacific Time again.

Jul. 6th, 2007

:D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, audiodrops!!!!

Jul. 5th, 2007

Jumbled thoughts & a personal resolution.

I need to say what's on my mind more often. Not ALL the time, of course. There are some times when the most appropriate mode of behavior is to sit down and STFU. But I hold back a lot of the time in my LJ or in casual political debates with acquaintances or even in my own private journal because I'm afraid of losing people's respect if I'm honest with them, even though nobody's given me any indication that they'd ever lose any respect for me just because I disagreed with them or whatever.

And it's not even that I'm worried about being honest about personal things, I'm just scared to voice my opinions about certain things because I worry that I'll accidentally say something dumb or something, or that my friends will start hating me if I don't agree with them 100% on everything, even though nobody I'm friends with is like that about anything.

Sometimes I worry that if they'll be okay with disagreement, but not for the reasons I actually disagree with them. This is really silly, and it usually results in me saying MORONIC things and wanting to stab myself in my head. ("STAB THEM IN THEIR FACE/EAR/HEAD" is my latest solution to everything, by the way, not any indication of actual desire to harm myself.)

Other times I spend so much time not giving my real opinions on stuff that it just builds and builds and I get more and more frustrated, and then when I do give my opinion, I end up doing it in this really intense, bitchy, aggressive way, and then people get mad at me - not for my opinion itself but for being so aggressive in the way I present and defend it. I think speaking my mind more often might help me from being such a BITCH when I do.

I'm more comfortable speaking my mind around some people than others. I don't know why this is, but it's probably pretty normal.

But anyway. As of... 6:47 Pacific time, July 5, 2007, there will be no more hiding certain opinions from people. And no more being bitchy when I do say things. I'm going to speak up more often, but in a calmer, nicer way, without turning into an asshole about what I'm trying to say. And I'm going to try to put more actual thought into my opinions instead of letting my emotions get carried away with me, as I sometimes do. Also I won't get let myself get so angry and frustrated anymore. People can have different opinions than me about things and that is okay - it doesn't make them bad people. And I can have different opinions from people and that's okay - it doesn't make me a bad person if I don't agree with everything everyone ever says, either.

Jul. 3rd, 2007

Oh, yeah, and...

I've decided not to major in biology after all. I think my previous idea - philosophy degree followed by law school - was better. I'm not really a math/sciencey person, as much as I sometimes wish I was.

The dinosaur-love continues forever, though. I would major in just dinosaurs if I could.

Screaming guy.

At the downtown bus center/station/thing today, there were two guys and a girl standing in a little circle a few feet away from me. I only noticed them because one of the guys was screaming at his companions, "IN LAYMAN'S TERMS, THERE IS A METHOD TO THE MADNESS!"

I don't know what madness or what method he was talking about, but it amused me because he seemed so very angry and wound up about it. I guess it might be one of those had-to-be-there things, though.

Jun. 28th, 2007

I can't be bought, but I can be buttered up.

I am so easy.

I just got back a paper for school that I submitted to smarthinking.com. The tutor's going on about how interesting it is and how I have a strong point.

I want to believe that my essays are so bitchin' awesome that even the people I go to for help are impressed with them, but I know it's more likely they flatter everyone like this so that people will actually make the improvements they suggest instead of getting huffy.

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